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Içami Tiba: “Nós Educamos Os Filhos Para Que Eles Usem Drogas”

Içami Tiba: “Nós educamos os filhos para que eles usem drogas”

Uma pergunta que nunca deveria sair da cabeça de pais e professores é “como educar as crianças de verdade?”. Muitas coisas mudaram nas últimas décadas, dar limites a crianças questionadoras pode ter se tornado uma tarefa mais difícil. Novos papeis se somaram ao pai que apenas cobrava e mandava – é preciso dialogar, argumentar, informar. Porém, as bases se mantêm as mesmas: pais precisam ensinar responsabilidade e isso, defende Içami Tiba, ensina-se na esfera do fazer, não do dizer. Falecido em 2015, os ensinamentos de Tiba são atemporais e buscam adaptar verdades sobre a educação de nossos filhos ao mundo atual. Confira abaixo esta entrevista excepcional com um dos maiores educadores da história do Brasil:

Qual a responsabilidade dos pais e qual a dos educadores na educação das crianças?

Içami Tiba: A família continua sendo a principal responsável pela educação de valores, mas é importante que haja uma parceria na educação pedagógica. As crianças viraram batatas quentes: os pais as jogam na mão dos professores, os professores devolvem. Pais precisam ser parceiros dos professores. Quem tem que liderar a parceria, no começo, é a escola, pois tem um programa mais organizado. Com a parceria, ambos ficam fortes. Os pais ficam mais fortes quando orientados pela escola.

O que é mais importante na educação de uma criança?

Içami Tiba: É exigir que ela faça o que é necessário. Os pais dão tudo e depois castigam os filhos porque estes fazem coisas erradas. Mas não é culpa dos filhos. Afinal, eles não querem estudar porque estudar é uma coisa chata, mas alguma vez ele fez algo que é chato em casa? No final, a criança estica na escola aquilo que aprendeu em casa. A educação é um projeto de formar uma pessoa com independência financeira, autonomia comportamental e responsabilidade social.

Como os pais podem educar bem seus filhos? Qual o segredo?

Içami Tiba: Um pai de verdade é aquele que aplica em casa a cidadania familiar. Ou seja, ninguém em casa pode fazer aquilo que não se pode fazer na sociedade. Os pais devem começar a fazer em casa o que se faz fora dela. E, para aprender, as crianças precisam fazer, não adianta só ouvir. Elas estão cansadas de ouvir. Muitas vezes nem prestam atenção na hora da bronca, não há educação nesse momento. É preciso impor a obrigação de que o filho faça, isso cria a noção de que ele tem que participar da vida comunitária chamada família.

No livro “Pais e Educadores de Alta Performance”, o senhor comenta que uma das frases mais prejudiciais para se falar para um adolescente é o “faça o que te dá prazer”. Por quê?

Içami Tiba: O problema é que essa frase passa apenas o critério de prazer e não o de responsabilidade. Nós queremos que nossos filhos tenham prazer sem responsabilidade. Por isso eles são irresponsáveis na busca deste prazer. E o que é uma droga, senão uma maneira fácil de se ganhar prazer? A pessoa não precisa fazer nada, apenas ingeri-la. Nós educamos os filhos para que eles usem drogas. Se ele tiver que preservar a saúde dele, pensa duas vezes.

Por que você acha que alguns pais não ensinam os filhos a ter responsabilidade?

Içami Tiba: Não ensinam porque não aprenderam. Estes pais querem ser amigos dos filhos e isso não faz sentido. Provedor não é amigo.

Por que o pai não pode ser só amigo ou só provedor?

Içami Tiba: Não pode ser amigo porque pai não é uma função que se escolhe, e amigos você pode escolher. O filho é filho do pai e tem que honrar os compromissos estabelecidos com ele. Um filho não pode trocar de pai assim como troca de amigo, por exemplo. Por outro lado, o pai que é unicamente provedor, como eram os de antigamente, também não dá uma educação saudável ao filho, afinal ele apenas dá e não cobra. Pai não pode dar tudo e não controlar a vida do filho. Quando digo controle, quero dizer que o pai deve fazer com que o filho corresponda às expectativas, que o filho faça o que precisa ser feito. Um filho não pode deixar de escovar os dentes ou de estudar e o pai não pode deixar isso passar.

Como a meritocracia pode ajudar na criação?

Içami Tiba: O mundo é meritocrata, os pais se esqueceram disso. Ganha-se destaque por alguma coisa que a pessoa fez; se não mereceu, logo o destaque se perde. Dar a mesma coisa para o filho que acertou e para o que errou não é bom para nenhum dos dois. É preciso ser justo. Os pais precisam aprender a educar, não dá para continuar achando que apenas porque são bonzinhos vão ser bons pais. Não adianta muito um cirurgião apenas amar seu paciente; para fazer uma boa cirurgia é preciso ter técnica. É a mesma coisa com os pais.

Amor e educação combinam com disciplina?

Içami Tiba: Disciplina é a coisa que mais combina com a educação. É uma competência que você desenvolve para atingir o objetivo que quer. Se você ama alguém, tem que ter disciplina. Os pais precisam fazer com que os filhos entendam que eles têm que cumprir sua parte para usufruir o amor. Os pais precisam exigir.

Como exigir sem agressividade?

Içami Tiba: O exigir é muito mais acompanhar os limites, aquilo que o filho é capaz de fazer. Não dá para exigir que ele vá pendurar roupas no armário se ele não pode arrumar uma gaveta. Por outro lado, os pais não podem fazer pelos filhos o que eles são capazes de fazer sozinhos. A partir daí, quando se cria uma segurança, a exigência começa a fazer parte da convivência. Essa exigência é boa. O pai não pode sustentar e não receber um retorno. É como se ele comprasse uma mercadoria e não a recebesse.


Dolores Bordignon é psicopedagoga com décadas de atuação na área. Contate a equipe da palestrante para ajudar pais e filhos de sua escola, sua empresa ou comunidade. A felicidade das famílias é o melhor primeiro passo para o sucesso das equipes.

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