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É Por Isso Que Seu Relacionamento Está Esfriando

É por isso que seu relacionamento está esfriando

A história do caminho para a frieza no amor é bem conhecida: começamos cheios de afeto um pelo outro e então, com o tempo, os sentimentos se dissipam.

Começamos a priorizar o trabalho, verificamos nossos telefones enquanto o outro está falando, nós não temos mais a mesma vontade de ouvir como foi o dia do nosso parceiro.

Há uma explicação superficial popular para esta frieza emocional: as pessoas naturalmente se aborrecem umas com as outras da mesma forma como ficam entediadas com tudo.

Esfriar é, nesta história, simplesmente a consequência inevitável da convivência.

Porém, há outra explicação. Ela pode ser mais obscura inicialmente, mas, no final das contas, é mais esperançosa.

A perda de interesse não é natural, tampouco inevitável. O tédio é algo um pouco mais complicado e mais ativo. Ele existe porque nos sentimos magoados, irritados ou com medo de nosso parceiro e porque não encontramos uma maneira libertadora de contar a nós mesmos ou a eles sobre isso.

O desligamento não é inevitável, isto é um sintoma de aflição emocional rejeitado, é uma maneira de lidar. Estamos internamente anestesiados, não só um pouco entediados. Isso pode soar estranho, afinal de contas, podemos não notar que nosso parceiro tem nos machucado, nos irritado ou até nos assustado.

Esta ideia parece exagerada e faz nossos parceiros soarem como monstros ou nós mesmos como fracos, mas não somos isso. Mas, o “Eu” que ama dentro de um relacionamento não é o “Eu” normal, o “Eu” adulto que conhecemos em outras áreas de nossas vidas.

O “Eu” que ama é um ser infinitamente mais vulnerável. Devemos imaginar este “Eu” como uma versão mais jovem, mais indefesa de nós mesmos. Este “Eu” vive em nossas cabeças e não é mais resistente e não muito mais sábio do que nós éramos quando bebês, que é quando tantas de nossas necessidades e ideias sobre Amor foram formadas.

É este Eu vulnerável que continua a direcionar nossos corações. O Eu amoroso fica ferido, assustado e chateado com facilidade desesperadora. Você poderia machucá-lo profundamente apenas o interrompendo enquanto conta uma história sobre o sanduíche do almoço. Ou, não o perguntando muito sobre o pontinho que apareceu em seu braço ontem, preferindo um livro do que ficar abraçado, ou ser um pouco incompreensível sobre que canal ele deve assistir na TV.

Naturalmente, estes são, por normas adultas comuns, pequenas desfeitas, mas nós não amamos pelos padrões adultos.

Estas pequenas flechas são suficientes para ferir o Eu-que-ama no seu núcleo emocional afetivo.

O ideal, é claro, seria este pequeno Eu apontar o que aconteceu. Seria explicar cuidadosamente que tinha sido frustrado e magoado. Sua voz seria comedida, inofensiva e encantadora, mas, na maioria das vezes, só permanece em silêncio.

Isso é perdoável – ele não compreende corretamente o que está errado, ele só sabe que está com dor e é controlado por um instinto de se retirar e de se proteger, o que se traduz em um comportamento que parece muito frio.

Pode haver algo especialmente humilhante em ter que dizer: “Eu não sinto que você teve interesse suficiente nos detalhes do meu almoço” ou “Eu tenho 45 anos, mas não sou capaz de compartilhar o controle remoto da TV”.

Essas verdades são questões pequenas para um adulto pensar, mas as partes de nós que se tornam vulneráveis ​​no amor não obedecem às regras comuns dos adultos.

A consequência é que o Eu amoroso seca, esfria, não quer ter relações sexuais, torna-se sarcástico e irritável, mas nem sequer sabe por que é assim. E saiba, isso não é fingimento ou joguete. Não, isso é apenas muito confuso dentro de cada um.

Para aprender a lidar, precisamos de uma conscientização mútua e do perdão desta dinâmica de sensibilidade e angústia, além de um compromisso de decodificá-lo quando o desengajamento e a indiferença surgirem. Não deixar que a apatia tome conta.

Temos que manter uma capacidade de diálogo em que os chamados “pequenos danos amorosos” podem ser transmitidos com segurança, sem que o outro desista quando as questões em jogo soarem como infantis ou imaginárias.

A delicadeza do Eu amoroso é ridícula, se julgada pelos padrões mais vigorosos do resto da vida, mas não estamos falando do “resto da vida”, e sim do amor.

Quando ficamos frios, talvez não tenhamos realmente perdido o interesse em nossos parceiros. Precisamos apenas de uma oportunidade para pensar que estamos realmente bastante magoados e furiosos com eles e que deveríamos ter acesso a um diálogo seguro, em que nossos sentimentos amorosos, mas críticos, possam ser transmitidos, expurgados e entendidos sem risco de humilhação, ironia ou indiferença.

O amor importa, pessoal. Se não pelo outro, mas porque estamos vivos para aprender a amar e lidar com este “Eu” tão vulnerável que existe dentro de nós. Tome cada desafio relacional como uma imensa lição sobre a sua própria existência. Você vive para aprender. Aprenda!

> Vamos juntos nesta jornada. Entre com contato com a psicopedagoga Dolores Bordignon para promover workshops de casais e relacionamentos.

>> Fique por dentro do que há de mais interessante no mundo da Inteligência Emocional. Siga a psicopedagoga Dolores Bordignon no Facebook e acompanhe todos os posts da série “Por que amor?”!

(Assista a vídeos sobre o tema em The School of Life)

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  152. Hello there. I found your website by way of Google at the same time as looking for a related subject, your site got here up. It appears good. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks to come back then.

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  156. I am really enjoying the theme/design of your website. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility issues? A couple of my blog audience have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this issue?

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  159. It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few interesting things or advice. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I wish to read more things about it!

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  170. A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. I do think that you need to write more on this issue, it might not be a taboo matter but usually folks don’t speak about such subjects. To the next! Cheers!

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  184. An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I do think that you ought to write more about this topic, it may not be a taboo matter but generally people do not talk about these topics. To the next! Many thanks.

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  202. Having read this I believed it was really enlightening. I appreciate you spending some time and effort to put this informative article together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worth it.

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  205. An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a friend who has been conducting a little research on this. And he actually bought me lunch due to the fact that I discovered it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this issue here on your web page.

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  212. Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and net stuff and this is actually irritating. A good website with exciting content, this is what I need. Thanks for making this site, and I’ll be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  213. Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about gossip and net stuff and this is actually frustrating. A good site with exciting content, that’s what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I will be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  214. Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this information. Nowadays bloggers publish only about gossip and net stuff and this is actually frustrating. A good website with exciting content, this is what I need. Thank you for making this site, and I’ll be visiting again. Do you do newsletters by email?

  215. Howdy are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you require any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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