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Do Casamento “mais Ou Menos” Ao Casamento Feliz [parte 1]

Do casamento “mais ou menos” ao casamento feliz [parte 1]

Como coach e psicopedagoga, eu tenho uma triste notícia: grande parte dos casamentos que estão “mais ou menos” não melhorarão. Pelo contrário. Desculpe, é a verdade.

Pessoas que vivem situações mais ou menos, situações “ok”, dificilmente agem para sair desta zona de conforto e para atingir um nível ótimo.

Isso não teria problema. Uma vida “ok” é boa também. Contudo, sabemos que o “ok” vai perdendo força ao longo do tempo e os desafios, uma vez pequenos, passam a ficar grandes.

Ou você acha que o divórcio surge do dia para a noite?

Infelizmente, é comum pensar no coach de relacionamentos ou no terapeuta de casal quando as coisas já estão quase insuportáveis. Mas, uma boa parte destes casais acabará apenas fazendo uma transição do casamento para o divórcio que não seja tão traumática.

Isso acontece por um único motivo: você deveria ter me buscado quando as coisas estavam “ok”.

É por esta razão que escrevo esta série de posts especiais. Para te ajudar a sair do “ok” e começar a construir o “excelente”. Para tanto, eu vou te passar alguns conhecimentos e, principalmente, ações.

Espero que, juntas, consigamos sair da zona de conforto e quebrar o pior dos padrões humanos: a incapacidade de prevenir.

A incapacidade de agir no “ok” nos leva a uma vida que nada mais é do que um constante apagar incêndios. Uma vida em que os dias são voltados a resolver problemas que, antigamente, tinham uma solução simples, mas agora sequer têm saída.

zona de conforto casamento transformaçãoNão é o seu casamento, é o ser humano

Você está começando a se culpar por deixar para depois o que você sabe que poderia ser transformado agora? De jeito nenhum. Não sinta culpa alguma. É da natureza humana sair da zona de conforto apenas quando é muito necessário. O ser humano age na necessidade, não na vontade.

O que isso gera? Quando não agimos em direção ao que desejamos, quando agimos apenas em direção ao que é preciso, a vida acaba virando uma sobrevida.

Você não sente que sua vida serve apenas para resolver problemas?

Isso é consequência desta falta de ação no seu próprio desejo. Você deixou o que você queria de lado e passou a viver na esfera da necessidade, tornando-se uma escrava dos problemas urgentes e decorrentes desta lógica.

Percebe como é um ciclo vicioso? Já que você deixou o “ok” ser o parâmetro da sua vida, as coisas começaram a degringolar com o passar do tempo. Problemas surgiram e seguirão surgindo.

E agora você precisa agir para resolver estes grandes problemas.

E se você tivesse trabalhado pelo ótimo há algum tempo? Como seria sua vida agora?

Os dois desafios para mudar seu casamento

Seu primeiro desafio é sair desta lógica padrão do “animal humano”. Somos seres construtores e temos inteligência suficiente para não vivermos apenas no instinto de sobrevivência.

Sabemos criar, prevenir, planejar, transformar. Seu desafio será usar suas potencialidades humanas para viver um casamento emocionalmente inteligente. Uma vida inteligente.

O próximo desafio que teremos que passar é não permitir que pequenas questões cotidianas se tornem problemas maiores.

Se você não compreender as verdadeiras origens destas pequenas situações, com o tempo, elas deixarão de ser pequenas. Veremos algumas estratégias para melhorar isso.

Diferenças entre o casamento “ok” e o casamento excelente

Existem duas grandes diferenças entre um casamento “mais ou menos” e um casamento excelente: conhecimento e ação.

É apenas isso que separa você dos casais maravilhosamente felizes e amorosos.

Saiba que nenhum de nós nasceu sabendo o que é necessário para um casamento feliz. Nós não dominamos o sentido do casamento. Tudo isso é aprendido ao longo da vida, seja através dos exemplos dos pais, da observação dos amigos ou até destas leituras que você está fazendo agora, aqui no site.

Mas, assim como em qualquer estudo formal (cursos, universidades etc), você precisa buscar um especialista para amarrar este conhecimento, para dar sentido a ele e, principalmente, para ajustar este estudo à sua própria vivência.

Senão, não haveria psiquiatras ajustando medicações, psicólogos ajustando objetos de discussão, coaches ajustando estratégias e ferramentas. Os especialistas estão aqui para dar coesão ao conhecimento e ensinar a aplicação ideal para a sua vida.

Infelizmente, isso ninguém poderá fazer com um texto de internet. Portanto, saiba que eu ou o seu coach estaremos aqui para levar a aplicação deste conhecimento a outro nível de eficácia.

Entre em contato

Dolores Bordignon ministra dezenas de oficinas e palestras sobre casais e relacionamentos. Entre em contato com a psicopedagoga e promova um evento em sua instituição. Transforme a vida das pessoas.

Saiba que conhecer por conhecer não nos leva a grandes lugares. Todo conhecimento deve vir acompanhado de ação.

Ação é a segunda chave do casamento feliz. Quando conseguimos demonstrar amor, lealdade, respeito e comprometimento através de ações, cotidianamente, estamos nos movendo ao casamento excelente.

Então, vamos começar avaliando como estão o seu conhecimento e as suas atitudes sobre o seu casamento.

gráfico casamento feliz

Quando você observar na imagem como o conhecimento e a ação impactam no casamento, considere:

  1. Conhecimento baixo e ação baixa levam ao desastre. Nesta situação, há um grande risco de divórcio, já que os casais não sabem o que fazer e tampouco querem tentar.
  2. Alto conhecimento e pouca ação também é problemático, porque é como se o casamento não valesse a pena ser salvo (por isso, sem ação).
  3. Pouco conhecimento e muita ação pode levar à frustração. Esta situação é facilmente consertada, porque o conhecimento necessário pode ser adquirido.
  4. Alto conhecimento e alta ação levam ao casamento feliz. Mais ainda, ao casamento excelente.

Observe a diferença na ação entre o casamento ok e o casamento ótimo. Você não está longe de alcançar o estado maravilhoso. Vale a pena agir um pouco hoje para não chegar ao ponto sem retorno amanhã.

Conclusão: ação baseada em conhecimento é a chave máxima para curar seu casamento “mais ou menos”.

(e qualquer coisa “mais ou menos” em sua vida)

Vamos prosseguir em direção à excelência.

Como você avaliará seu casamento com base nesta tabela?

Você lerá o post especial sobre os seis pilares do casamento feliz e avaliará o seu conhecimento sobre cada um dos itens.

Então, avaliará as atitudes que você toma para satisfazer os itens. Pontue o seu conhecimento com uma nota de 1 a 10. Pontue a sua atitude com uma nota de 1 a 10.

Se o seu conhecimento for 4 e sua ação for 5, você terá uma nota 9. Divida este 9 por dois. Resultado: 4,5.

Se o seu conhecimento sobre os pilares for 6 e sua ação sobre eles for 4, você terá nota 10. Dividindo por dois, resultado: 5.

Meu objetivo é te levar à nota 9 ou 10, te ensinando o conhecimento necessário e te motivando à ação.

Portanto, grave seu resultado atual. Ele é seu ponto de partida. Em alguns meses, você voltará aqui e verá este número subindo rumo ao melhor casamento que você pode ter.

No próximo post especial desta série, veremos como você chegou a um casamento “mais ou menos” e vamos usar uma estratégia ótima do coaching para que você se motive a mudar.

Para não perder o próximo post, inscreva-se no site: clique no sininho vermelho que fica no canto inferior direito da página. Desta forma, no momento em que eu postar o próximo passo, você estará à frente e receberá o conteúdo imediatamente!

Não é a melhor resolução de final de ano? Ter um casamento excelente em 2019!

Casamento excelente | O que já aprendemos até aqui:

Passo 1: dominamos as 10 necessidades emocionais humanas, onde aprendemos sobre o Banco do Amor, uma poderosa lógica para a sua relação.

Passo 2: aprendemos sobre os seis pilares do casamento feliz, onde você compreender a importância de sustentar o fundamento do relacionamento.

Hoje, vimos como avaliar o seu casamento com base no seu conhecimento e na sua ação para melhoria.

No próximo post, avaliaremos as causas do casamento “mais ou menos” e compreendemos porque você precisa agir agora, antes que a relação fique insustentável.

avatar

Dolores Bordignon

Terapeuta e Coach de casais

Dolores Bordignon tem mais de duas décadas de experiência clínica, somando centenas de casos individuais, de famílias e casais que desejam construir novos paradigmas. Suas palestras e workshops trazem à luz a importância da inteligência emocional para as relações pessoais, profissionais e familiares.

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